Boy just when I think I am getting to understand what is going on around me I see I really don't see it at all, or not cleaarly anyway.......
There are so many people saying so many different things......all I know is for now I have to listen to my own inner guidance....if I hear other voices I must discern if they are even me...so much technology now can even intefer with my thoughts,,,,,so when I get a thought is it even me?
For sure these are the days to be on guard to really pay attention to what is real for me.....So many changes going on all around us everyday with the solar flares affecting us greatly....
I am really trying to focus on being here now today and not running thoughts thru my head of tomorrows...things change just too quick now...making plans , well I am not even sure I can do much of that......I have to be in the moment and ready to go with what might occur next......
I am not trying to be all depressing here...just realistic...I like being real...all my life it seems I have heard oh lighten up, don't be so serious,,,,,,,but I have always been intense about me and serious about all I do... it is not me to be anything else....I can have fun and joke as well as anyone but always I am serious underneath.....
I have gone thru deep depressions at times as people just do not get me ....so I am always being not me and I am just so tired of it....so now I am being more who I am and its rather scary to come out and be as the real as I am....I am not gay...no that is not it....I am a super spiritual person...when young I was too...then I did not really understand any of it just that God was very important to me..
Now today I an craving more spiritalness, and it is causing a seperation in my life again, as I grow and others around me don't .......change has to come....and I see friendships and beliefs are changing, I am not a bible pusher I no longer read the bible or believe all of ot like I used to when i was RELIGIOUS.......I am not one to go around telling people what I believe oh I used to I admit it but that was when I was religious a big difference..
I am more a person into nature now......that is where Spirit is.....I love to hug trees especially huge old growth trees,and the old growth cedars such powerful energies they have......I love to talk to the trees, and flowers, and animals.....I am more myself in nature.....
This spiritual side is like being hungry and not knowing what you want to eat, its like feeling good yet feeling very sad and lonely it is confusing as I am still growing I want more I want to devour knowledge about this,,but I find too much deception out there too much most in fact just does not witness to my inner guidance so yes I do feel so alone.......
Yet I know I am not alone my angels are with me, God is with me of course , but I am yearning for what???
