Things have been going pretty good. I have been dealing with issues that need healing and doing pretty good. Now something has cropped up that I have a really hard time dealing with, Yes, I have to admit this and I'd rather not. From a young girl I have desired love. My dad was never around and mom was busy working and taking care of us 5 kids. I never got love from them. On top of that I was so incrediably shy. I could not look a boy in the eye.
Then I started dating and I was in fear the whole time. I would go out with anyone who asked me. Of couse all most all wanted sex, not my love. don't get me wrong I only have been with 5 men all my life and I am 64. But oh those 5 have wounded me to the core. I am afraid of men so afraid.
I have been married twice both were in worse shape than me. Sex was for sexing not loving. I am messed up royal in this area.
The first chakra has to be openned the rest are doing well. I am so closed and must become open. I will not reduce myself to sexing again. It must be love or no way.
Then last week I met a man at the library and our energy was so good but it was not sexual for me but guess it was for him. I am so upset, not again. How can a man say he loves me after only hours of knowing each other. I would love to avoid this test I must go thru. However, I know I have to learn how to deal with this and I am so scared and mixed up.
I am just putting this out to the universe because I need help. Thank you for listening if anyone is there and any suggestions is welcomed. Things were going so smooth now this and it is so hard for me to deal with so many hurt emotions are being reopenned. Oh help me universe.
Namaste my sister, my heart is touched by your pain. I do not portend to understand your plight, however I do very well comprehend growing up without enough love. The root of your problem is not the men you meet, rather it is the men you attract. Your low sense of self worth gives out to the universe a message of a soul which expects to be regularly damaged. When you change your perspective of self to be the loving eternal Goddess you are the, universe will respond in kind.
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In Lak' ech, my sister, love is all there is all else is illusion....